♥ K a r i n a ♥ Friday, August 08, 2008
How can anyone live like that?
I'm super frustrated to the point the I just feel like banging my head against the wall. I'm being pushed to the limit. Sigh. Why does everything have to work differently. Why can't people actually see the real actual fact. People are living in delusion. I may have this mighty patience that can withstand something for a long period of time. However, no matter how much patience I have, history repeats itself. I face the same old problem again.
Nothing much is going right. I just need at least one thing that would go on well.
I hate the fact that I'm timid. I don't do things if I have not much confidence doing. Even if I do have, it must have took a lot out of me to do it and I really meant what I did. Courage is the word. I'm too scared for my own good. I have so much of fears that I am insecure about every single thing around me.
If only I could be more aggressive, more self-expressive, more confident, things would have been much better. Now how exactly did I become like that? I guess it's accumulated over the years. Rejections, bullying, disappointments, expectations.
The fact that I don't smile much does not have anything to do with being arrogant.
I might have been a little too idealistic thinking that everything is great when the fact is that it's not.
I don't like being pushed around just because I don't say anything. Stop making use of me. I don't like confronting people neither do I like fights but don't go overboard.
I really want to be the princess living with a world full of people backing me up, looking good all the time, being popular, being sociable and being the one that everyone likes. Unfortunately, I cannot live like this. I don't want to do something I feel uncomfortable doing. No.. thats not what I want.
I do believe in what dr Yeoh said about the unconscious part of the human minds. We have been living in a world full of reasonings but what about the unconscious part of us? Hoping to do certain things but just can't do it because it is not right. We only do things within the scope of things we are taught to. We don't go beyond. I just need to write out what I feel. I don't really care if I sounded angst y or whatsoever.
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